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Reading men like an open book - isn’t this what most girls dream of? As children, they were taught that everything should be asked honestly. But, as practice and experience show, a man will not always be happy to tell you his thoughts.

His body will help you understand what he is really thinking about. The placement of his hands, his crossed legs, the turn of his head, even the way he stands - all this will give you the answer to what mood he is in and what he wants.

Hands in pockets

If your man is straightforward and can just come up to you and say, “Honey, I've been dreaming about undressing you all day,” you're in luck. As a rule, men love flirting, ambiguous jokes, by which you should understand what he is waiting for.

The very first position that says that he is hungry for sex is his hands in his trouser pockets and his thumbs pointed outward. It's hard to imagine a sexier gesture. At the same time, he seems to be telling you that he will set the tone in your sexual play, the initiative will come from him. A man in this position states: “You will do as I said.” In this case, he plays the role of first violin. Remember, the man himself will set the rules of the game and will finish it himself whenever he wishes. Cruel? Yes, but the game is worth the candle.

Attention to... socks!

If you notice that he is standing with his hands on his hips and his body turned towards you, know that he is definitely not averse to continuing communication with you in a more intimate setting. This way the man shows that his attention is entirely focused on you. If the toes of his shoes are also turned towards you, he thereby shows other men: “Don’t come closer, this woman is busy, she is mine.” Men rarely occupy such positions; most often they sit with their arms outstretched, the toes of their shoes next to each other. Sexologists call this an inviting gesture. It’s as if he’s calling other women: “Look, I’m free, let’s get to know each other.” But in this case, all he needs is you. Therefore, when a man sits in this position, you can twist ropes out of him, he will fulfill your every whim. But it’s enough for you to stand up or look away from him, and his contact with you will be broken.

Look at me!

There is another, less the hard way understand whether a man is ready for sex. Remember, when you liked a man, you suddenly begin to preen yourself: you smooth your hair, your timbre of voice changes, you start fiddling with jewelry. He does the same. If a man likes a woman, he begins to fiddle with the knot of his tie, straighten his shirt sleeves, and run his hand through his hair. Many will take these gestures for excitement, but in fact he seems to be telling you: “Look how good I am, what kind of hair I have, expensive cufflinks. I like you, take a closer look at me.”

The main thing is the lips

Men use gestures that indicate that he wants to kiss you. If, for example, you lick your lips when you want to tell a man about your desires, then the stronger sex acts more secretly. Take a closer look: does he touch his lips with his finger every now and then? This means that the man is trying to attract your attention to them and hint at further actions, he wants to touch your lips. You can let him know that you accept these advances, or ignore them completely.

Only you!

You met the man you’ve been dreaming about for a week in the office, and suddenly he presses you against the wall and shields you with his hand, as if protecting you from the outside world. Well, congratulations - your dreams about him will soon come true. If a man gets into this position, it means he wants you to become his. With his hand he seems to create a small world just for you. This position scares many women, but there is no need to be afraid. A man doesn’t want to scare or offend you, he just wants to show how much he wants you.

Exciting look

Well, perhaps the simplest gesture - sexy look, which gives you goosebumps. This is the way they look at women they really want. In addition, he begins to casually touch your hand, especially your wrist. It’s not for nothing that sexologists say that for women this is one of the most erogenous zones (besides the ears). And his hands begin to move in the air as if he is caressing you. Such heavy artillery is usually difficult to resist. And is it necessary?

Sometimes people's words do not correspond to their true beliefs and intentions. Nonverbal gestures will help you figure out what your interlocutor is really thinking about. Be a little more careful when communicating. This will allow you to receive much more information than your opponent would like to convey.

Is it true?

Many people are skeptical about such an issue as Gestures; facial expressions are perceived as something natural and mechanical. But it is precisely taking this fact into account that we can talk about the objectivity of the nonverbal mechanism. Psychologists have devoted many scientific works this issue. But if this is not an argument for skeptics, it is enough to conduct independent observation. So, for example, having learned to decipher the thoughts and feelings of your family and friends, later you will be able to see through strangers.

Of course, we should not forget that there are exceptions to the rules. Thus, a person can take one position or another simply out of habit. In addition, it cannot be ruled out that he is not feeling well or is wearing uncomfortable clothes. Air temperature can have a significant impact on human behavior. Thus, the role of nonverbal communication should not be underestimated. However, before drawing final conclusions, it is worth carefully analyzing the conditions in which the conversation takes place.

What do hands in pockets say?

You can often notice how a person keeps his hands in his pockets during a conversation. Some consider this a manifestation of bad manners. Also, one should not reject the possibility that a person simply froze while in uncomfortable temperature conditions. However, if we consider non-verbal we can come to the following conclusions:

• Hands hidden in pockets can be evidence of intense concentration. A person in a similar position may think about something or build a plan of action. At the same time, he may sway slightly or roll from heel to toe.
• Another interpretation of this gesture - So, for example, at long meetings or social evenings, people often walk around with their hands in their pockets, because you cannot leave the event, but nothing interesting happens at it. Thus, if your interlocutor has adopted a similar position, it may be worth ending the conversation or taking it in a more exciting direction.
• If it is not the listener, but the speaker, who hid his hands in his pockets, this may indicate his insincerity. Usually, it is the hands that give away a lie, and therefore a person instinctively hides them so that you do not guess his intentions.
• Alternatively, hands in your pockets may indicate a passive position of your interlocutor. He most likely isn't interested or willing to do what you tell him to do. But the result, of course, will depend only on the level of your authority.
• If we consider the non-verbal gestures of men, then when communicating with ladies, hands hidden in the pocket of trousers (precisely trousers!) speak of sympathy and sexual desire. But when communicating with representatives of the same sex, they thus demonstrate power and independence.

Demonstration of superiority

Knowing nonverbal gestures can make your life much easier, because from them you can understand the true intentions and attitude of the interlocutor towards you. So, for example, if someone is trying to demonstrate self-confidence, as well as superiority and power over you, this can be understood by the following signs:

• The person puts his hands behind his back, sticking his chest forward. In this way he is trying to show his fearlessness.
• Hands are casually lowered into pockets, and the body is imposingly relaxed. By doing this, the person is trying to show that you are indifferent and uninteresting to him.
• Sometimes a domineering person may take a defensive stance, with his chest on his chest and his thumbs outstretched. The latter means that although he is trying to defend himself, he feels superior to you.

Tactile interaction

When considering nonverbal gestures, it is worth paying special attention to tactile interaction with the interlocutor. So, we can talk about the following:

• If you hug when meeting a friend or relative, the short contact should be perceived as nothing more than a tribute to decency.
• A tight hug means that the person misses you and is sincerely glad to see you. However, if the impact is too strong and you are literally suffocating from it, it is quite possible that the person is just trying to play up the joy of meeting you.
• If during a hug a person treats you with respect and you feel comfortable, this indicates respect for you.
• If, when meeting, a person is the first to open his palm for a handshake, this indicates his boundless trust in you.
• If during a handshake a person does not take the palm, but closer to the wrist, this indicates that he is suspicious. This is exactly how during the Roman Empire they checked whether the interlocutor had a dagger in his sleeve.
• If a person shakes your hand firmly or wraps both his palms around you and shakes you vigorously (perhaps even causing you discomfort), this only indicates that he is sincerely happy to meet you.
• If during a handshake you feel that your interlocutor’s hand is limp, then productive communication will not work, because he is not in the mood to contact you.
• If a person has his palm down, he is subconsciously seeking to dominate you.
• A pat on the shoulder means a friendly attitude. In addition, this gesture demonstrates the strength of the interlocutor and his willingness to help.
• Be attentive to people who grab your elbow during a conversation. Sensing your distrust, they try in a similar way to win you over and even convince you that he can become a reliable friend for you. But this gesture is not always sincere, because such psychological technique often used by people with selfish intentions.

How to recognize sympathy

One of the main problems in the relationship between opposite sexes- this is distrust. Sometimes nonverbal communication can tell more than words. Gestures that indicate sympathy are the following:

• - this is not a myth. A person experiencing sympathy actually looks a little differently, and the cornea becomes more hydrated. In addition, the pupils will be slightly dilated.
• A person in love on a subconscious level tries to please. Thus, when meeting, he performs various manipulations with his appearance: straightens his back, pulls in his stomach, straightens his hair.
• Both men and women try to draw attention to external sexual characteristics. This could be putting your fingers in the belt of your trousers, legs spread wide apart, or the top button of your shirt undone.
• Active gestures (sometimes inappropriate) can also serve as a sign of sympathy. The fact is that a person in love often loses control over his actions.
• You can assess the intentions of your interlocutor by the direction of his gaze. If he makes eye contact, there is reason to believe that he is interested in you as a person. And a glance running over the body speaks of nothing more than sexual desire.
• If your interlocutor of the opposite sex is constantly trying to get closer or touch you under any pretext, there is no doubt about his sympathy.

Lack of interest

Sometimes a person continues the story, not suspecting that the interlocutor is absolutely not interested in it. Nonverbal communication will come to the rescue. Gestures indicating indifference are:

• If your interlocutor crosses his arms over his chest, he instinctively closes himself off from you. You are either indifferent to him or unpleasant.
• Pay attention to where the other person's gaze is directed. If he looks anywhere but in your direction, then you should end the conversation.
• If a person wants to end the conversation and leave, constantly looking at his watch will give him away. Also, the toes of his shoes may be pointed towards the door.

Features of facial expressions

His facial expressions can say a lot about a person and his mood. Nonverbal gestures reflected on the face may indicate the following:

• narrowed eyes and pursed lips indicate an angry mood;
• raised eyebrows and wide open eyes mean surprise;
• in a state of fear, the lips are stretched wide and their corners are drawn down;
• happiness is characterized by a calm gaze and slightly raised corners of the mouth;
• a sad man brings his eyebrows together and lowers the corners of his lips.

Voice intonation

The main ways of transmitting information are verbal. Nonverbal gestures can reveal what the other person is trying to hide. No less informative can be intonation, which can tell about the following:

• fast and confused speech in low tones indicates strong excitement;
• confident and loud conversation indicates active enthusiasm;
• if a person speaks sluggishly, lowering his tone towards the end of the phrase, we are talking about fatigue;
• measured and slow speech, which is characterized by a constant tone, indicates the arrogance of the interlocutor;
• constant pauses in speech and unintentional mistakes indicate nervousness and self-doubt.

Signs of lying

Knowing the meaning of nonverbal gestures, you can recognize the lies of your interlocutors. So, it is worth paying attention to the following points:

• a long pause before the beginning of a phrase or frequent pauses;
• asymmetry in the work of facial muscles;
• facial expression does not change for more than 10 seconds;
• emotions arise late and do not correspond to the content of speech;
• a tight smile that creates not a curved, but a narrow lip line;
• lack of visual contact;
• manipulation of arms and legs (tapping, twitching), as well as lip biting;
• attempts to keep gestures under control;
• heavy breathing and a constant increase in voice pitch;
• closed posture with crossed arms and legs, as well as a hunched back;
• rubbing the nose or eyelid (it can be mechanical and barely noticeable);
• (in terms of gestures and facial expressions) more active than the left;
• exaggerated emotions and gestures;
• frequent blinking.

Distance

Considering non-verbal means of gestures, one cannot help but say about the distance that is maintained between people in certain conditions. Thus, the following indicators are generally accepted:

• up to half a meter is an intimate distance between close people who are in a trusting relationship;
• from 0.5 to 1.5 m is the interpersonal distance for friendly communication;
• 1.5-3.5 m - social distance, which is comfortable for interaction between unfamiliar people, as well as on business matters;
• 3.7 m is the public distance from which a speech is given to a large audience.

Good to know for everyone

Max Egger has an invaluable contribution to the study of such an issue as non-verbal means of gestures. He developed a system of 75 signals, the main ones of which can be considered the following:

• the movement of the Adam's apple indicates the interlocutor's excitement or that he is telling a lie;
• if hands come into contact with any object, this indicates uncertainty;
• if a person strokes his chin, he is considering the proposal;
• biting your finger, pencil or glasses means that the person is evaluating you;
• stroking the back of the neck means anger or a feeling of threat from you;
• if a person rubs his palms, he expects to receive benefits;
• if the toes of the feet are spread apart, the person feels superior to you.

Conclusion

If you want to know more than what you're told, it's worth learning sign language. Non-verbal communication difficult to control, and therefore it can be considered the most objective. However, you should never forget that certain gestures can be associated with well-being or external influences.

Expressive thumb signals

I find it very interesting to observe how verbal language sometimes mirrors nonverbal language. When film critics rate a film with both thumbs up, it means they are confident in its quality. A thumbs up is almost always a nonverbal sign of confidence. In addition, it is associated with high status. Look at photographs of JFK and note how often he kept his hands in his pockets with his thumbs pointed outward (see Figure 51). His brother Bobby did the same. Lawyers, college professors, and doctors often hold the lapels of their jackets with their thumbs up. One large national network of modeling and portrait photography studios requires its artists to ensure that women in photographs must hold at least one hand on the collar and hold it up thumb. Obviously, the marketers of this company are well aware that thumbs up are an expressive sign of confidence and high status.

Rice. 51. When people with high status keep their hand in their pocket, they stick their thumb out as an expressive sign of self-confidence.

Demonstration of confidence and high status

When people point their thumbs up, it means that they have a high opinion of themselves and/or are confident that they are right and in their current position (see Figures 52 and 53). Thumbs up is another example of nonverbal, gravity-defying behavior that is typically associated with a state of comfort and confidence.

Rice. 52. Thumbs up indicate positive thoughts. During a conversation, they can behave very fluidly.

Rice. 53. Thumbs may suddenly disappear when talking about something insignificant or emotions take on a negative connotation.

Interlocking fingers expresses uncertainty in all cases except one - when the thumbs point straight up. It has been noted that people who use expressive signals with their thumbs are distinguished by insight, observation and intelligence. Observe those who have a habit of giving thumbs up and see how well they fit this description. Under normal circumstances, people rarely display thumbs up, so when they do, it is safe to assume that this expressive behavior indicates positive feelings.

Showing insecurity and low status

A feeling of insecurity occurs when a person (usually a man) puts his thumbs in his trouser pockets and leaves the rest dangling at the sides (see Fig. 54). When a person applying for a job behaves this way, it means that he strongly doubts his chances. People with leadership qualities or influence, do not allow themselves such manifestations of weakness in the service. A person of high position can demonstrate such a gesture somewhere on vacation, but will never do it if he is “on duty.” This position of the thumbs is almost always an expressive sign of uncertainty and weakness.

The expressive signals of the thumbs are so precise that they can be successfully used to distinguish between those who are happy with themselves and those who are having difficulty making ends meet. I have seen more than once how trials people began their speech confidently and folded their hands, but after the first difficult question their thumbs ended up in their pockets. This behavior of the thumbs is reminiscent of the behavior of a child standing in front of an upset mother and shows how quickly a firm belief in one’s rightness can give way to complete confusion.

Rice. 54. Thumbs in trouser pockets are a sign of insecurity and low status. People in positions of power should avoid such nonverbal displays of weakness.

Framing the genitals

Sometimes men subconsciously stick their thumbs into the waistband on either side of the fly and either pull up their pants or leave their thumbs sticking out there, allowing the remaining fingers to hang down to frame the genital area (see Fig. 56). Framing the genitals is an expressive signal that demonstrates dominance. Essentially, it means: “I’m a real man. If you want, you can check."

Rice. 56. Framing the genital area with hands is often used by young men and women during courtship. This is a gesture of superiority.

It's all about the thumbs

During a long business trip to the capital of Colombia, I stayed in one of the best hotels in Bogota and became closely acquainted with the manager. Once, in a conversation with me, he complained that he had recently hired several new security guards, whom he did not like for some reason, although there seemed to be nothing to complain about. He knew that I was an FBI expert and hoped that my experience would help him understand what might displease him about these new employees. We went out into the street where the security post was located to look at these people. In the manager's opinion, although they were all in brand new uniforms and their boots were polished to a mirror shine, there was still something wrong with their appearance. I agreed that the form was in perfect order, but drew attention to one important detail: The guards stood with their thumbs in their trouser pockets, a sure sign of insecurity and incompetence. The manager couldn't understand what I meant until I showed him correct stance. He immediately understood everything and said: “Yes, you are right. They are like little children waiting for their mommy to tell them what to do.” The next day, the guards were shown how to stand correctly (hands behind their backs, shoulders back, chin up) in order to look impressive, but not threatening. Sometimes even such little things have a big impact great importance. In this case, hidden thumbs became expressive signals of uncertainty, and this is not at all what is required of a security guard, especially in a city like Bogota.

Try a little experiment yourself. Stick your thumbs in your pants pockets and ask people what you look like. Their answers will confirm that in this position you produce far from best experience. You will never see a presidential candidate or leader of any country hide his thumbs in his pockets. Confident people they don’t behave like that (see Fig. 55).

Rice. 55. Thumbs in trouser pockets indicate uncertainty or a feeling of discomfort that a person is experiencing, and therefore you should not hold your hands this way.

Not long ago, when I began working on this book, I discussed this element of nonverbal behavior in a class at the FBI Academy in Quantico, Virginia. The listeners made me laugh, declaring that no man, especially subconsciously, would demonstrate his sexuality so clearly. The next day, one of the cadets came to class and said that in the common toilet he saw with his own eyes how a guy from another group first preened himself while standing in front of the mirror, then put on sunglasses, and then performed a gesture of framing his genitals, admired himself for a second and proudly walked out into the corridor. I'm sure the guy didn't even think about what he was doing. One way or another, the gesture of framing the genitals is much more common than we think, and not only in films about the Wild West!

The Horrible Story of a Woman Who Was Too Calm

The limited gesticulation characteristic of liars has become main reason, which left me distrustful of a young woman who told local sheriff's deputies that her six-month-old son had been kidnapped from a Wal-Mart parking lot in Tampa, Florida. As the woman told her story, I carefully watched her on the monitor from the next room. After the interrogation, I told the investigators that I did not believe in the veracity of her story, since she behaved too restrained. When people tell the truth, they try their best to make you understand and use exclusively expressive gestures and facial expressions. This woman behaved differently. A loving and distraught mother had to accompany the retelling terrible story abductions with more convincing and passionate movements. The absence of such movements seemed suspicious to us. In the end, the woman confessed that she herself killed her child by placing a plastic garbage bag over his head. The kidnapping story was a complete fabrication. The freezing response triggered by her limbic system manifested itself in the restraint of her movements and helped expose her lies.

Hands in pockets

Hands in pockets traditionally strain the vigilance of law enforcement agencies, because it is unknown what a person can pull out of these pockets: a pistol, a knife, an electric shock, a grenade, or some other opportunity. But even if you know for sure that there will be no grenades or pistols, few people still like hands in the pockets of the interlocutor, and hands in the pockets of an unfamiliar or stranger who communicates with you will be liked even less.

In a conversation, especially an emotional and sincere one, a person usually unconsciously helps himself with his hands. For the sake of experiment, you can do this trick: when you say something important to you to another person, grab the back of the chair with both hands and do not let your hands move. And you will find that speaking “without hands” is not as easy as it may seem.

Hiding your hands in this case may indicate a desire to hide something from you or distort the information being communicated to you. The main thing is not to confuse it with extreme cold, when a person hides his hands in his pockets because of the cold. But if there is no cold, it’s about the same as having a “stone in your bosom.” Be carefull!

If any of you served in the army, you know that a soldier (or an officer in front of a superior officer) is forbidden to keep his hands in his pockets. Here, apparently, the specifics of army subordination come into play: if open hands is approximately the same as pure thoughts, then a junior soldier should always be “open” and “transparent” to his superior.

Hands on the Chest Hiding behind some kind of partition is a natural reaction of a person, which he learns as early as early childhood for self-preservation. As children, we hid behind tables, chairs, furniture and our mother's skirt as soon as we found ourselves in a dangerous situation.

Hands behind your back In some cases, a person prefers to keep his hands behind his back. This is very significant: after all, by crossing his arms in front of him, he seems to be protecting himself from other people, but here all protection is demonstratively removed, all vulnerable areas of the body are exposed. Everything is correct: