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The situation when a wife finds out that her husband is homosexual is not as rare as some people think. And many wives suspect and begin to guess over time about the secret passions of their beloved. If you write in English in Google “My husband is...”, the system will immediately prompt you with one of the most popular questions: “... gay.” Russian women, however, have not yet thought of looking for answers to such questions. But this does not mean that there are no married gays in our country. That's enough. Perhaps even more so than in bourgeois countries, where declaring one’s homosexuality is not so dangerous.

All the more terrible are such discoveries for our unprepared women. They believe that if a man is married, then he is definitely “not like that.” But the truth is that marriage and even regular marital duties do not guarantee an absolutely heterosexual orientation. I personally know a woman, a mother of two children, who learned that her husband was gay from his enraged lover - he came running to find out after the breakup: “Oh, you decided to leave me? Well, then get it!” It was darkness and horror, with some humiliating facts, videos, etc.

For my wife, the world simply collapsed. She had no idea that this was possible in principle. But the family, in general, was prosperous, loving, intelligent, they were believers, they had been going to church since their youth. In the end, the husband admitted that he had always been attracted to men, but he tried to “overcome” it. He was seduced at the age of 12 by an adult man, and he didn’t even perceive it as rape: “After all, I was pleased with his male, almost fatherly attention - my own father was a drunk, and what he did.” He then had lovers, often one-day lovers, all the time; he either repented - he was a Christian, after all, "he gave it up", then he broke down again, but all in secret.

Outwardly, he led the life of a respectable Christian, the father of a family. Over time, he found a permanent guy, and he, having fallen in love and not wanting to lose him, took revenge like this, revealing everything to the family. My wife, pouring out her soul to me after that scandal, recalled some things that could have told her the obvious, but then she simply did not understand what they meant... This family, having gone through pain, tears, accusations, frank confessions and forgiveness, decided to avoid divorce, and her husband was once again going to “become normal.” I don't know if it succeeded. Outwardly, everything is fine with them now. But it has always been like this. They love each other, love children. Having gone through such catharsis, they still protect their marriage. He is trying to overcome “this lust”, this, I suspect, is his daily personal struggle, and she is trying to learn to trust, to believe again. That's it.

Actress Elena Koreneva was in such a marriage, with the only difference that her husband Kevin, having once confessed to her, had no intention of changing anything. “Every time the conversation came up in society about non-standard orientation, I kept my mouth shut, afraid to give away my excitement. Sometimes communication with my mother-in-law was especially ambiguous, when she carefreely talked about a “forbidden” topic. Speaking, for example, about how should dress, she could say: I don’t like this, only homosexuals wear such shoes. I froze and was at a loss: does he know or not? I constantly wondered when going out in public: who notices his peculiarity in my husband, do they feel sorry for me... or him? , do they think about our incompatibility, does this indicate some kind of defect in my own sexuality, since I agreed to this marriage.”

And here are the messages that I saw on one of the forums. (They answer the girl there, but it’s all so vague that I’ll only give her comments):

“Good evening everyone. I had a terrible situation. A week ago I found out that my husband is gay. I’m just shocked! We’ve been married for 5 years, our son is 4 years old. We had an ideal family, we lived in perfect harmony. My husband was a very loving husband and father. Then my husband disappeared for 4 days, went to work and didn’t return. I almost went crazy, I called him, wrote SMS, he didn’t call me, and he didn’t answer my calls. God only knows what it took me to survive those 4 days. Then he showed up and said that he was drunk. I was shocked! I began to press him, to bring him out into the open. He asked point-blank, “You cheated on me,” he replied, “I think so.” I was shaking all over.

But the whole circus goes on. Then he said he met "a boy." Just go nuts! And loves him! I immediately told him to collect his belongings and get out! I was trampled under the dirt, traded for a fagot. I want to die! There is no one to talk to, you can’t tell this to your friends! The worst thing is that I love him madly! My husband told me that he couldn’t leave my son and me! What loves us! I'm in a lot of pain and bad. What should I do? The roof is moving!

He said that they didn't have sex. Bye. I feel sick even writing this. I asked him to choose, us or this fagot. HUSBAND THINKS..... It's fucking easy to put a family and an unfamiliar fagot on the same line. It’s sickening... Yesterday I talked to him, so calmly. He cried. It's obvious that he loves us. He himself cannot understand how this could happen. It just doesn't make it any easier for me. Since they didn’t have sex, I first drove him away, then offered to leave the fagot. But he thinks. Simply fucked up. I’m not going to live a double life, that’s what I told my husband. It just hurts to lose him. What to do? It feels like this is a bad dream. Help me, I'm going crazy!

If he sleeps with him, I definitely won’t forgive him! Then there will no longer be a question of possible reconciliation. I can’t understand how you can fall in love with a fagot so much in 10 days???? It's like a circus! My husband is 28, my fagot is 21. Holy shit! While my husband was sleeping, I took his cell phone and read the SMS. I almost threw up! I told my husband that if he chooses a fagot, he should forget about me and my son forever! I'm scared for the child, it's a disgrace! Dad's a fagot!

Thank you all for your support. But my husband didn’t come up with this. He never lied to me! We agreed to always tell the truth, I’m sure of that. As my husband told me that he could have said nothing, I wouldn’t have known. But I know that sooner or later everything secret becomes clear. I respect him for telling the truth, but I can’t understand why he did this. For what? We didn’t have sex the entire pregnancy, it was impossible. My husband didn’t burden me, he was always there. For the first half of the year, my son didn’t have sex either. There was a difficult pregnancy and childbirth. There were stitches, it’s scary to remember. Then everything was restored. I’m writing now and remembering, looking for everything positive that we had. He was a good husband. But he shitted on my soul, acted vilely and ruined all this goodness in one fell swoop. Yesterday I told him to explain his behavior to his parents, mine and the child. I do not know what to do.

He changed me, humiliated me. At least he promised to remain faithful. During the 4 days of absence they didn’t call, didn’t say where he was or what was wrong with him. This is not normal. I almost went crazy. He just gave up on everything and had fun. He neglected the fact that he had to take the child to kindergarten every morning and pick him up. He just gave up on everything. How can I continue to live with him without believing him. After all, this could all happen again. I can't rely on him now.

You know, I scrolled back through our whole life and realized that he really was indifferent to girls. And I was jealous like a fool. I should have been jealous of the men. But somehow he didn’t give a reason. He said that he loves us very much, appreciates us and will never leave us. But it doesn't make me feel any better. He argued about why I wouldn’t allow this guy to be my friend. Friend is a fagot. Some kind of circus.

The only thing I appreciate him for in this situation is that he told the truth. And he didn’t cheat, like almost all men who cheat on their wives all their lives and hang noodles. For me, betrayal consists precisely in sexual intercourse. Not only for my husband. When I asked if he cheated on me, my husband said “I think so.” Those. For him, betrayal also exists spiritually. For me no. He didn’t suggest living a double life, he says that our family and this “boy” are two different things. I just can’t understand how it could be different. I myself gave him the right to choose, because he made a mistake. It is up to him to decide what is more important. My husband says that he values ​​me and my family very much, and that I will always come first for him. But why can’t he decide then? At the same time, he constantly begged and begs me to give birth to a second child. And he insisted on the first one. And at the wedding too. So I asked him yesterday, why did he insist on the wedding, get married and ruin my life if you are a fagot? He answered that he loved me and loves me. And he simply idolizes the child. As a husband he is very good and reliable. He always helped me in everything, all the worries about the child for the first two months of his life fell entirely on him. And I think that we had a very good family!

Love remains, I don’t know how long it will last. It all depends on how long this will continue. It’s very hard for me, but I don’t want to endure this nonsense. There are ways, my husband forgets the fagot, stops pissing me off and we continue to live together. I'll try to forget about everything. Or my husband goes to see a fagot and forgets about us forever. There is no third!

I just can't understand what my husband wants. He swears his love to me, but at the same time he cannot break all ties with this homosexual. Told me yesterday that I have homophobia. Of course it is!

My husband also gave three options:

1. He stays with us and, at my request, breaks all ties with the gay man. He doesn’t know what this will lead to in our relationship in the future.
2. He goes to the fagot, I break everything off with him, and he also doesn’t know what kind of relationship he and the fagot will have.
3. He leaves somewhere, lives on his own and understands what he needs.

That is, my husband puts himself first! He, his feelings and his future life. Which means we have to adapt. Maybe his friend is happy with this state of affairs, but I’m definitely not! I’m not going to wait and guess what he’ll decide.

I want to save my family, I still love him very much. If I didn't love you. I would have spat long ago and sent him away. I can also say the same about my husband’s attitude towards me. Divorce is stupid, because there are feelings between us. But I won’t tolerate and turn a blind eye to the fagot. I simply cannot overcome myself and pretend that nothing is happening. I want a normal relationship! So that a lot of time and attention is given to me, so that all the love is mine. I'm not going to share it. If the husband thinks that he is better off with a homosexual, then good riddance! I can’t make a choice for him, he made this mess himself, let him choose.

I haven't seen it, but I know it exists! I read my husband’s SMS on his phone, found him in VKontakte and on his website. It exists and it looks strange. My husband is 27 years old, I don’t think he has fucked anyone other than me. He told me that sex is not his first priority. Relationships come first. These are his words! For now. What will happen next is unknown!"

And one more message, from another woman:

“I DON’T WANT ANYTHING! I exist only for the sake of children who suffer no less than me. I’ll try everything in order. I got married out of great love. In our happy marriage, 2 sons were born. Everything was fine: my husband is a caring, excellent father and owner , besides, he doesn’t drink. So, 1-2 drinks on major holidays. And in any company he is always the center of attention - he has a wonderful voice, loves to sing, and always has a couple of fresh jokes in stock. My friends envied me and said: “Happy you!”

When my first son was 8 years old, I gave birth to my second boy. There was no end to the joy. But it ended quickly; after giving birth, I was diagnosed with cancer. Here's to renewing your body after childbirth! But I don’t regret for a second that my wonderful baby was born, even if it cost my health. Now I'm 32 years old. I was and am clinging to life with all my might - after all, I have a family, my sons... (sorry, I can’t write, I’m crying!) My husband, my darling, was constantly rushing to see me in the hospital, supporting me as best he could. The doctor admonished us with these words: oncology is not a death sentence, cancer is afraid of optimists and cheerful people, it runs away from them and clings to those who are weak in spirit. Your health is in your hands, not an ounce of negativity in life!

And now I'm home. But then THIS hit me. Everything happened on my birthday, which I will not forget until my death. We didn't invite anyone, but, as always, my friends and relatives came with flowers and gifts. The husband sang songs and joked. How glad I was that they loved me and remembered me! And after the guests left, he dumbfounded me with the message that he was leaving me, and he had ANOTHER MAN. Considering it a joke, I laughed. But when she saw the expression on his face, she was speechless. I REALIZED THAT HE WAS NOT JOKING! But we never even argued with him! (or maybe he should have, but there was simply no reason to swear!) It turned out that he had had this other MAN for a long time.

I understand everything, because after the birth of our second son we had almost no intimacy - surgery, treatment... Let it be a MISTER. But MAN! It was like they hit me in the head with a brick! When I was able to think at least a little, I suggested: “Live as you want, but don’t leave us, let the guys grow up. They love you so much.” To which he replied: “No. This is stronger than me and stronger than my love for my sons.”

Kind people! What could be stronger than love for your own children??! He left... She told her eldest son that dad was on a business trip, and the younger one still doesn’t understand anything, he just calls him all the time... And suddenly the eldest one finds out from his school friends that shocking news appears on my husband’s page: they say that he has finally found his happiness and lives with his loved one, that he is gay, etc. However, what cruel teenagers are - now my son’s nickname is son of a fagot. He doesn't leave the house, doesn't talk to anyone. He lies there, silent and thinking something... I'M VERY AFRAID FOR HIM!

The youngest also became quiet and sad. The atmosphere is as if there is a dead person in the house. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? Neither relatives nor friends could give advice (and some didn’t even answer the phone!) HOW SHOULD WE LIVE? WHAT TO DO?

And another confession from another forum:

"I don’t know where to start. And it’s very difficult to talk about it... But I need help, I just need it. I felt something was wrong. A month ago I was in the hospital, and when I came out, it turned out that my husband had I have a friend. He is generally very sociable and kind, and what’s wrong with that? Every day they corresponded more and more in contact. My husband said that he is helping him with the website (the guy is a web designer).

In general, I won’t go into details... I got into his mail. He uses a different browser and therefore logs into the site automatically, without a password. I can’t even describe how I felt when I read these messages... “Cheburashka”, “I miss you”, “where have you been for so long”, “my wife has come home...”. It was in the morning, I had to go to work... I called him, said that I hate him, “why? What did I do to you?” Of course, they don’t discuss such things over the phone, we decided to talk in the evening... Then he wrote: “I’m sorry.” “I hope that you and I will talk and I really hope that you will try to understand me.”

In the evening he confessed to me. I hope in everything. He was raped twice as a child. He was a laughing stock and an outcast. His life turned into hell. He tried to fight, looked for help, but everyone betrayed him. When he proposed to me, I refused him. And then he started dating guys... His life caused him constant suffering, no one understood him. But I didn’t know anything! Two years later we reconciled and decided to get married. At this time he lived (as I believed) with a friend. In fact they were lovers. He said that I have the right to hate and despise him. Quit. That his life is in my hands, and I decide everything...

He considers himself a freak. I thought that he would start a family and everything would work out, and when the child appeared, he would give himself to him without a trace... But our child froze in June of this year. And who knows how our life would have flowed if this had not happened?.. It was a huge stress for me and for him. But we made it through, and this summer was wonderful for us. He says that for this time he was able to become normal and was happy... But due to the incompetence of the doctor, I became worse, problems began on the female side... I was very nervous because I had never been sick more seriously than a cold before. We sometimes quarreled, but for him it was very serious. He says he needed to talk frankly with someone, he needed someone who would understand him... And he found him. While I was in the hospital.

I said that he had two options - stay with me and fight or leave me... And I asked him what he wanted. He said that he had no future there, only pain, suffering and sorrow. He has no future THERE.

He is so depressed and wounded... He endured all this alone. Everything that happened to him was my fault. I pushed him there... He said that I was more of a friend to him, that's why sometimes he doesn't want me. Sometimes... I couldn’t put pressure on him yesterday, he was confused and confused, he doesn’t know what he wants. I said that I love him madly and will be with him as long as he wants. I won't leave him. He remained the same. But he is in great pain and fear. AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP HIM! We need to overcome this together, because this is not who he is, he was made this way. Such childhood traumas don’t just go away!

I know that he loves me and appreciates me. And he needs help. I don't know anything about gays! I don't know how they feel and I don't know how to help him! WHERE TO GO?

Women adore him. He is a charming and handsome, pumped-up man. I want him all the time, and it really hurts me to hear that I am “more of a friend” to him... But I believe that this is not the end! After all, nothing can be done only when someone has died... HELP ME! WHAT SHOULD I DO? HOW TO HELP HIM? Offers to throw him to hell will not be accepted!

After 9 years of marriage, our reader found out that her husband had relationships with other men. Moreover, they were there before marriage to her.

Should we trust his promises that he will stop all contacts outside of marriage and “defeat” himself, the psychologist answers.

Psychologynow.ru

Losing a loved one is easy, but regaining an emotional connection or finding an equally strong new one is not the easiest task. Perhaps you shouldn’t be a hero and try to figure out a problem on your own that seems unsolvable to you. We offer you professional help from psychologists from the Center for Successful Relationships.

You send us your story, and we publish it with expert comments. In order for us to better understand the essence of the problem, please send as detailed (of course, as appropriate for you personally) stories. And we will do everything possible to ensure that good mood, harmony and peace return to your home. The anonymity of letters is guaranteed.

We are waiting for your letters at [email protected] To prevent your letter from getting lost, please indicate “My Story” in the subject line.

- Hello. Where to begin? My husband and I have been living together for 9 years. We live well, we don’t fight. I love him very much, he loves me too. Have no children. He and I have problems. About 3 years ago I found a photo on my tablet from a porn site (gays). Maybe I shouldn’t have attached much importance to this. Although, probably, suspicion remains.

I don’t know what possessed me to get into his phone. Over the years there was not even a thought about it. Probably the fact that he began to constantly actively communicate with someone. I found three contacts and from the correspondence I realized that my husband was gay.

I cannot express in words what was going on in my soul. Resentment, pain from betrayal, fear. In the evening I had a serious conversation with my husband. He admitted. And he said that he had such a relationship before me. Then he seemed to stop all this for several years. And here we go again...

I asked to stop all this, he promised. He says he loves me very much and doesn’t want to lose me. I don't want to lose him either.

I tried to forgive. But the pain and mistrust remained. But there is no one to even talk about this with. Friends and family don’t need to know, but I just can’t keep it to myself anymore.

So, he promised that he would break off all relations.

He stopped two contacts that are in our city. But this is how he communicates with a man from a neighboring town. She repeated her demand again. He asked me for time. Again he asked for forgiveness, but continued to do what he did.

Psychologist's comment:

— Yes, the situation is more than unusual, but thanks to your openness and sincerity, your questions and answers to them can help other people who are faced with similar things.

Not everything goes smoothly in family life. Even when you know your partner long enough and, it would seem, well enough, surprises like this happen. An unexpected tangle of feelings: resentment, shame, jealousy, pain. And a complete lack of understanding of what to do when life throws up such unusual challenges. But the good news is that they can be overcome.

Your situation is different from ordinary cheating with another woman. A wife can realize what her husband lacked in the marriage and try to fix it. Even if it doesn’t work out, it’s logical to break up. Here, a blow is dealt to your femininity and, as a result, the impossibility of competition and powerlessness. Do not perceive a stranger as a rival, although this, of course, is difficult to do.

It is important to understand that the situation does not depend on you. By trying to put pressure on your husband, blaming or condemning him, forbidding him to show his nature, you will not achieve anything, but you can turn into an enemy.

Sexual orientation is a personality trait that does not depend on a partner. This process that determines sexuality is very individual. No matter how strange it may sound to many, according to recent research by scientists, this is a variant of the biological norm.

If you have been living together for 9 years and, despite the presence of sex and emotional attraction, your husband clearly has sexual attraction to members of the same sex, then your husband is not gay, he is bisexual.

The reasons for a person’s sexual preferences can be very different: from congenital to acquired. Until a certain age, often adolescence, a person may be unaware of his inclinations. Later he may suppress “wrong desires” and even try to change. But, as a rule, this is to no avail. What is inherent in nature or early distortions of one’s sexuality cannot be changed, and the eternal struggle with one’s nature weakens one and leads to severe depression.

pandaland.kz

The important thing here is to recognize that your husband is not an ordinary man. You have been living together for 9 years, he does not want to lose you, this may well serve as proof that he loves you sincerely, at the same time not having the strength to give up his natural gift. This is his problem. Don't leave your husband alone with his pain. Try to understand him. No matter how painful it may be, it is worth re-analyzing what is happening and your relationship.

Since everything is already known, give him the opportunity to be honest with you, boldly tell you, removing the feeling of shame. Clarify together what was his motive for connecting his life with you: sincere feelings, the desire to procreate, to be like everyone else, hiding his inclinations, or at the time of marriage he had not yet built sexual priorities for himself. Is it possible to save the family and how does he see life together, in what form?

Answer these questions: what exactly do you like about him most, what connects you? What are you ready for in a relationship with him in order to satisfy his interests and preserve yours? It is possible to be with such a man only if you clearly understand why you need it.

Your future depends on whether you can accept it that way. And forgive. When there is love in the heart, trials are easily experienced.

And then we can negotiate. The more you talk about it, the more you will become closer and find options.

If you don’t find a way out, then you should remain friends.

“We met at the doors of the admissions office, in the crowd in front of the lists of applicants. “Girl, you are so beautiful!” “Are we going to study together?” a striking brunette in a fashionable jacket winked at me. I was embarrassed: “I don’t know, I haven’t seen myself among those accepted yet.” I’m about fifty meters tall with a cap, and I couldn’t see the coveted piece of paper behind the backs of the applicants. “Let me take a look?” What’s your last name?” - “Barkova” - “So here you are!” Eat! And by the way, I’m Dmitry.” A few minutes later we were chatting happily. And the next day Dima made a date for me in the dungeon - his digger friend agreed to give me a tour of the metro tunnels. I remember that I was very afraid and almost immediately clung to Dimka, but he smelled unreal, it just smelled cosmically of the new Kenzo. We spent the entire journey like this, hugging each other. Six months later they got married, and a year later Polina was born. We were very happy. And if someone had told me that everything would collapse soon, I would have decided that he was crazy.

This picture is still before my eyes: winter, terrible cold, but we have been living in the country for a month now, because again we didn’t share something with our parents. There is no water - the pipes are frozen, we need to go to the neighbors. There is a mountain of dishes in the sink, next to a huge pile of dirty laundry. Maybe I'll wash it tomorrow. Today it didn’t work out: my five-month-old daughter is naughty all day, and I walk around the house and rock, rock, rock her... That day, more than ever, I waited for my husband to come home from work. When he arrives, I can at least breathe out. Maybe I’ll even lie down for a while. But for some reason Dima was delayed. I called him once and he hung up. The second one said he couldn’t talk and would call back.

A snowstorm began outside the window. The snow was falling in thick flakes, even the neighboring house was not visible. Finally, the familiar sound of an approaching car was heard. Had arrived! I rushed to meet my beloved. Dima entered, hiding his eyes. I rushed to him, pressed myself against his cold, snow-wet coat: “How we’ve been waiting for you!” The daughter reached out to her dad. And he stood and was silent. “Dim, what are you doing? What’s wrong with you?” I couldn’t stand it. “Ol, I’m leaving,” he still looked straight at me. There is not a drop of doubt in his gaze. “Where are you going?” Everything broke inside me. “I’m leaving my family!” Pause. "To a man." There was a noise in my ears. I expected Dima to laugh and say: “Relax, I was joking!” But he continued: “Please don’t worry, I won’t have any more women.” You will remain the only one in my life.” I belatedly asked again: “To a man?” Which man? Are you... gay?” Dima was silent. "And what about me? Polinka?” He didn’t answer anything. Silently I changed my clothes, took a bucket and went to get water. He went to sleep on the sofa in the kitchen.

I couldn't sleep. Every half hour she came in, bothered him, and asked: “Who is he?” Do you work together? Met in a nightclub? Are you already in a relationship?” Dima didn’t say a word, and I was choked with tears and resentment: “Have you been with him for a long time? And he lied to me all the time? Did you lie about what you love?” He turned to the wall and covered himself with a blanket. “Why did you marry me then? Why did you ruin the life of me and the child?” He continued to be silent. Then I grabbed the can from the table and slammed it on the floor. The fragments scattered throughout the kitchen. Then she threw a plate, then another. I ran, screamed and smashed dishes: “You’ve decided everything, right?” And I don't even deserve you to talk to me? Damn you!"

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Suddenly Dima jumped up and grabbed me by the shoulders: “Okay, that’s enough.” Nothing bad happened. I’ll help you with money, and you’ll still get married.” I sobbed, and he calmly sat next to me and looked - without a drop of pity, a complete stranger. Dima is no longer my favorite.

My mother-in-law told me the details. It turned out that the husband’s parents had known for a long time, but they thought that “the boy would come to his senses, after all, he has a wife and feels sorry for his daughter.” I did not have a warm relationship with Dima’s father and mother - a professorial family, a luxurious apartment in a Stalin building, prim dinners and close acquaintance with the powers that be. And I’m just Dima’s classmate, my mother is a teacher, my father is an engineer, I entered a prestigious university the third time because I’m very persistent. And also narrow-minded, with bad manners, I dress without chic... No match for their boyfriend. I always considered them cold and arrogant, but then it turned out that they were also vile - they knew the truth, hid it from me and, probably, laughed at my foolish daughter-in-law.

Dima's mother arrived at the dacha the next day. She groaned for the sake of decency and lamented: “How are you now, poor things, without the head of the family.” And with some kind of sadistic pleasure she told everything in the smallest detail. About the fact that even at school he would sometimes lock himself in a room with a classmate, “and they would giggle there.” And one day - “Oh, my God!” - she caught them: “Seryozha is without pants, and Dimka, imagine, is holding his belongings in his hands.” They were 16 years old then. The classmate was expelled from the house, and Dima’s father had a serious conversation. He promised him that something like this would not happen again, and everything seemed to go as usual. Institute, exams, session... And soon I appeared - “a girl from the street.” “Of course, we didn’t like you, but in our hearts we were glad that our Dimka turned out to be normal. So, I started hanging out with a girl...”

They met Alexey - the husband who left for him - at one of the family dinners. He is a student of Dima’s father, a graduate student who showed great promise. The young people quickly found a common language. By the end of the evening they were talking enthusiastically and arguing about politics. Alexey promised to give Dima a good job, and at this point they parted. The husband actually then moved to an advertising agency, where he was offered a prestigious position and an excellent salary. And Alexey became a regular at his parents’ house. I only heard about him - handsome, successful, intelligent and wise beyond his years. In the summer they went to the dacha to barbecue almost every weekend. We even went fishing a couple of times, although before that I didn’t think Dima was attracted to it. In September, when Polina was born, Alexey sent me a huge teddy bear and a postcard with an envelope - “For diapers” as a gift. Well, that's nice.

Then my husband went on a business trip for a week. More precisely, I thought I was on a business trip. But in fact, to Prague with Alexey. “It was there that they realized that they couldn’t live without each other,” the mother-in-law sighed. After this trip, Dima came and confessed everything to his parents. They grieved and grieved, but there was nothing to do. “When will you tell your wife?” - “After the New Year. Lesha and I will find housing for now. I won’t kick her out of the dacha...” She won’t kick her out. Me. From the dacha. From a village house, where there is now no water or even basic amenities. He couldn’t rent an apartment for me and my daughter: “Let’s wait until spring.” It’ll get warmer, and Polinka will feel good here.” And he was looking for a stylish studio to live there with his boyfriend.

Hello, I would like to share my life story. I got married. For love. We didn’t meet for long, he was a creative person, he played in the local theater, and in general I was fascinated by his talent. Before the wedding, he tried not to touch me, didn’t even kiss me, but I regarded this as nobility (like before the wedding, no, no), although it seemed a little strange to me. After the wedding, everything seemed to be fine except for the moment that I had to drag him out for sex. Then he began to come up with all sorts of excuses and reasons to sneak away. I think loving people always touch and hug each other and this is normal, that is, tactile touches are always present, but in bed he even tried to cover himself with a separate blanket and really didn’t like it when I tried to touch him in any way. One day a friend of his from the theater came to see us, a young friend, I emphasize, my husband and I. We were 26 years old, he was 17 years old, I went into the kitchen, and they were having a fight, a comic one, at that moment I caught my husband’s gaze, honestly, I was horrified, I had never seen such an animalistic and lustful blurred gaze. This didn’t happen often, but I always noticed it, besides the fact that they say that a gay man can be very attentive, gentle. I’ll say right away that I felt all his rudeness, harshness, not a drop of desire to at least squeeze out a kind word. No, he didn’t hit, but he could trample with a word. All his friends are young, he has work colleagues. With whom he communicates well and is respected and appreciated in the service. I tried to solve the problem by talking, getting him out of what was tormenting him, going to a sexologist or psychologist to improve his intimate life, but it didn’t help. Then I hinted at sexuality, to which he said that it was my sick imagination. I was looking for the reason in myself, tormented my whole soul, and again there was a conversation, I tried to explain to him how I felt in this situation, to which he said that he understood everything and if I had a lover it would be normal, while lowering his slightly offended gaze at gender so that they would understand (he played), and he played often in family life. Three times during his vacation he went, supposedly to the hospital for treatment, but in fact to visit a friend, the same young one, by this time his friend had moved to St. Petersburg and, I must say, got married and has three children. And I found out by chance, my nephew opened a file with photographs and I saw my husband and his friend in an embrace and by the time in the photo I recognize that it was at the moment when he was supposed to be in the sanatorium. For some time everything calmed down, I gave birth to a son (we had sex almost according to the number of children). He actively communicates on the Internet and his computer is ruined, when I come up with a question about who you are communicating with, he shows his employees and that’s it. In response to requests to teach computer. ABC, he says that we don’t need this, although he himself is practically a system administrator for everyone around him, setting up the Internet, in general, in this matter he takes to water. While I was in Moscow with a friend, I managed to go visit a deaf guy whom, by the way, I met on the Internet, and then our guest was a 19-year-old guy, a traveler, studying by correspondence, and in the intervals between sessions hitchhiking around. around the world. The first time I met him well, but the second time suspicions crept in, he acted like a complete fool, was taciturn, shy and
stammered. When I asked my husband if he was afraid to wander around the world, because people are different and could do harm, it turned out that hitchhikers negotiate on the Internet who can accept him at the moment in a given country. He felt my hostility and left ahead of schedule. Subsequently, when cleaning the apartment, I discovered intimate gel lubricant (anal), when asked what it was, my husband told them to wipe the audio discs well. And recently, in a conversation with a friend, I learned that her then fiance admitted that my husband persuaded him to have sex, and he did it in a sophisticated way - not directly, only through actions, and this friend was young. But now to the most important thing, I learned from his sister that there were rumors that her brother was gay and there was even a showdown about this, a colleague came to help. Putting all the puzzles together, I understand that I live with a non-standard man and everything would be fine, and I would have left without thinking for a second if this information had surfaced earlier, there is an argument, even though they weren’t caught in the act, but his sister is seriously ill, she lives with us, she has a serious illness and cannot be left alone, and how to leave now is simply a betrayal. And against the backdrop of the current situation, to leave silently - in her eyes I will be a traitor, and if I tell everything about my brother, she won’t believe it; she will still say that I am merging with the situation. I don’t want my parents and my children to find out. (I apologize for the confusing story and some mistakes, I wrote on emotions).

We met while entering a prestigious university. I am a “girl from the street”, mom-teacher, dad-engineer. He is a major boy from a professorial family. A five-room apartment in a Stalinist building, prim family dinners, close acquaintance with the powers that be... We were from completely different worlds, maybe that’s why we were drawn to each other: it’s always interesting how life is like there, on another planet. My father-in-law didn't like me right away. They considered me narrow-minded, with bad manners - no match for their boyfriend. I thought they were cold and arrogant. In a word, the relationship did not work out. Looking ahead, I will say that they knew about everything from the very beginning, but they never told me about Dima’s other life. Maybe they thought they would come to their senses. Or maybe they were secretly making fun of their foolish daughter-in-law.

“I love men, you know?”

At first we were very happy. Our parents bought us a small apartment where friends always gathered. In the morning we met at the university, and in the evenings at our place. We sang songs, recited poems, watched films. There was some money too. We both started earning extra money by translating - enough for parties, and even for short trips to Crimea and Lake Baikal. On one of these trips I became pregnant. The husband was in seventh heaven. The father-in-law helped Dima get hired into the office of a serious company. Gatherings with friends slowly faded away. The evenings became quiet, family-like. But they were still happy - or so it seemed to me.

I remember well the evening when he said he was leaving. Taya is 5 months old, I’m all tired and nervous - my daughter has been capricious all day. Dima comes home from work, I hug him, and he hides his eyes. “Ol, I’m leaving.” – “Where are you going? To the store? We have everything” - at first I didn’t even understand what he meant. “No, I’m leaving completely. From you. To a man."

Then, apologizing, he talked for a long time about how difficult this decision was for him. How worried he was about how we would be without him (“I will definitely help you financially, you can count on me”). But in the end I decided that it would be more honest. “And you can’t go against nature, I love men, you know?”

No, I didn't understand. It didn’t fit into my head that this could happen. Everything was always good with us when it came to intimacy. Dima loved extreme sex - we could do “this” in an elevator car, on the roof, in the fitting room of a popular store, while there was a line behind the screen. I liked his unpredictability. He wants my willingness to experiment. After Taya's birth, passions did not subside. We even tried anal sex. I didn’t particularly enjoy it, but it seemed to me that he liked it. His confession took me by surprise. I didn't suspect anything. But it turned out that he had been dating his dad’s graduate student for almost a year.

Dima's mother knew about their relationship. And, one might say, she even condoned them. Later I found out that they went to their fathers-in-law’s dacha without me. (She then said that Dima should help her fix her garden house.) She was also aware of the “business trips”, but she never even hinted to me about my husband’s unconventional orientation.

When did you find out you were gay? - I remember asking Dima during that fateful conversation.

You never told me about this.

I really wanted a normal family, children. And then I realized that I can’t deceive you anymore.

“You will meet your man again”

After Dima’s confession, I moved in with my parents. They accepted me with open arms, although a month ago my husband and I left them with a wild scandal and thought that I would never return to my parents’ house. “You know, we never liked him,” Mom said. He was always kind of suspicious." I couldn't tell them the truth. For them, Dima left for someone else, but promised to help Taya and me. Why do they need to know that my husband left for his lover, and his parents patronize them?

Only one of my close friends knows what really happened. By the way, she helped me a lot then. If it weren’t for her, I don’t know how I would have coped with all this... At first I was in terrible pain, as if I was burned out from the inside. Then - disgusting, disgusting. I couldn’t touch his things without disgust.

By spring we were distributed around the world. I communicated with Dima for a long time through a lawyer. We must pay tribute to my ex-husband; from the moment of the divorce, he really gave me a tidy sum in an envelope every month. But he didn’t really want to see Taya. For the first time after that conversation, I saw my daughter on her birthday - he came to congratulate us on her one year anniversary. Came alone. I noted to myself that he looked very good, dressed stylishly, and had changed his car. In parting, he asked me not to hold a grudge against him: “This is stronger than me. We would not live, but suffer. And you will still meet your man.”

I actually met him, three years later my daughter and I went to a friend’s dacha, and there she introduced me to a former classmate. We got married three months after we met, and I have never regretted it: Oleg is my man. I recently gave birth to my second daughter, my husband dotes on his girls. And Dima has already changed about a dozen lovers.