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The step of divorce is very difficult for a woman. But situations are different, and sometimes you have to fight for your peace of mind and happiness. A married couple has been together for ages and people are so fed up with each other that they can’t do anything anymore. Every day is boring, the faces are the same. It happens that a husband offends his wife and shows disrespect for her in every possible way, verbally or using physical force. A woman can withstand a lot, but sometimes even the strong run out of patience and then divorce proceedings follow.

How to leave your husband - increasing independence

Not every woman decides to leave her husband. For some this will take time. To better prepare yourself for parting, you need to try to see the light, to remove the scales from your eyes. Perhaps then it will become easier to think. Women feel sorry for their men, even if they treat them badly. This happens due to the wife's low self-esteem.

For example, her husband scolds her a lot for little things, but she decides to apologize just in case he’s really right. Low self-esteem will not allow you to leave a person without problems, because such self-esteem is often preceded by lack of independence. A woman sits at home and passively cooks and does laundry. It is important to look for a job in order to increase your income, and eventually be able to go to your own home, and not be dependent on an unloved person.

How to leave your energy vampire husband

Exists separate category people, they live by elevating their personality against the backdrop of the weak. Such a husband is selfish, cynical, he constantly criticizes under-salted food, he is dissatisfied with this or that, sometimes for entertainment. The wife, having lived in marriage with this man, becomes a withdrawn gray mouse. If before getting married she had plans for her life, after the years they lived together, not a trace remained of her former aspirations. Fortunately, marriages with energy vampires do not last long; the woman gets tired of the monotony and tries to snatch her personality out of the cycle of negativity and submission. Often close people help with this. Vampires are manipulators, they are cunning and prefer to steer any situation in their favor under various pretexts, they deceive, and throw dust in the eyes.

How to leave your husband - dependence on society

One of the hundreds of reasons for not wanting to separate from your husband is the strength of someone else’s opinion. Obsessive state When a woman is very concerned about the point of view from the outside, it complicates her life. The key phrase is “what will the neighbors think.” In this case, you need to calm down and understand what is more important - the emotions of others or the peace of mind of the main character. And gossips will always find something to discuss, even if everything is fine in life.

How to leave your husband - notice

Whether a woman leaves in English or by saying goodbye depends on the circumstances. Couples with small children together should pay attention to this problem. The husband drinks - it’s probably better to take the kids with him. The husband, who loves to drink and quarrel, is allowed to leave without saying goodbye. Relatives and friends will help you at first, but then you will have to adjust to solving everyday problems on your own. Before you leave, you can try to have an open conversation with the person about the topics that concern you most. But when the wife is studying literature of such content, the question is probably no longer about how to set the other half on the right path.

How to leave your husband for someone else

The conversation will take place in a calm atmosphere, without tragic female hysterics. Anxiety cannot be avoided in any case, but it is still correct to explain your departure calmly, to clear up all the questions along the way. Common children complicate the situation, but peaceful communication and a friendly attitude between spouses leads to a positive outcome. You can’t put pressure on a person, he may feel bad morally and it will take time to realize what is happening.

A woman needs to remember that there is nothing wrong with separating from her husband. The other half ceases to be her after the individual condition of people in the family worsens. With some particularly explosive types of personalities, it is useful to be more thoughtful. To avoid scandals and obstacles, it is worth making certified copies of documents, and the originals securely hidden in a secluded place in another territory. Does a person get turned on immediately? They collect things quietly while he is not at home and, in accordance with the plan, leave the family nest, parting with their enemy forever.

Does your husband terribly annoy you, humiliate you, or even beat you? Tired of looking at his drunken face and uncertainty? Today we will try to figure out how to decide to give up everything, leave your spouse and start a new, more better life without him. You will be able to decide whether it is really worth getting a divorce, which may prevent separation. We will also tell you how to adequately prepare for escape, where to start, where to go if you already have a child. You will find a way out of the most difficult situations.

If feelings have faded, try to revive them. Stop blaming your husband, spend more time together, take care of yourself.

If in the end you and your husband realized that you don’t need each other, there is no point in saving the marriage.

If your spouse starts drinking, leave only when you see that he is not going to quit.

If your husband does not respect you, beats you or cheats on you, feel free to put an end to the relationship.

Why is it so difficult to leave your husband?

Parting is never easy, especially if you have lived with a person under the same roof for many years. There are several reasons why women are afraid of getting divorced:

• Material dependence. It is difficult to start life again if a car, apartment, etc. are the property of a man. Many women never leave their unloved husbands because they simply have nowhere to go.
• Habit. Often what stops girls is not love, but simple habit. A well-established life, everyday life - for many it is difficult to radically change their lives.
• Child. Many mothers want him to grow up in a complete family. But this is not a reason to give up on your life.
• Fear for your life. A man can intimidate his wife so that she does not leave him. Not every woman will ignore threats.

How to decide to break up

The decision to leave your spouse will be correct only when it is made in peace. Weigh everything. Think about what your life will be like after the breakup, whether it will be better for you.

If your spouse begins to insult you or be rude, do not justify him. Even in the most difficult periods, a husband must treat his beloved wife with respect.

When you break up, listen to your feelings.

If you have a child or even two together, you need to gather courage and decide to leave. The fact that you swear and make trouble all the time will not make them feel better.

Going through a divorce is never easy. To avoid getting depressed, use. It describes the first steps towards happiness, how to behave, what to do during pregnancy, and much more. etc.

It is important to know what can interfere. Here it is written about the main causes and ways to eliminate them.

Here we discussed how to understand that . In addition, you will be able to develop the right line of behavior.

If you regret your action, you can always. Read here whether you should step into the same river twice, how to do it correctly, where to start, what mistakes to avoid.

How to prepare to leave your spouse

You need to consider who you live with:

• Despot. Photocopy everything Required documents, collect the available money. Think about where you will run: rent a house or let your loved ones shelter you. Be sure to get a job (if you haven’t worked anywhere before). Use our instructions for. It says here how to recognize it, where to start, how to prepare, where to run, etc.
• Beloved husband. There are times when a beloved man suddenly becomes abrupt and rude and starts walking to the left. This attitude should not be forgiven. Talk to him, calmly tell him why you want a divorce, find out the reasons for his bad behavior. Find accommodation before you leave. And after leaving, stop all communication with your spouse to make the separation less painful.
• Alcoholic. Before slamming the door, you should not shout or make a scandal. Drinking man is not responsible for his actions, so the reaction is unpredictable. Just pack your things and go to rented accommodation or to your relatives while your beloved is not at home.

Are you a housewife?– save up first Money(from change in the store, gifts, for small expenses). Find a place to live for the first time. Call relatives and friends or find a woman who finds herself in the same situation, pay the rent equally.

If there's nowhere to go, contact the crisis center for women. There they will help you with housing and finding a job.

The best medicine after a breakup is a new relationship with another man who will make you truly happy. We recommend watching new free video course Alexey Chernozem "12 laws of seduction for women." From the course you will learn how to attract his attention, encourage him to get to know him, interest him and captivate him.

To watch, click on this link, leave your e-mail and you will receive an email with a link to the video.

How to tell a man that I want to leave him without a scandal

To break up painlessly, do not create scandals and hysterics, and do not talk about your spouse’s shortcomings. Just say, “Sorry, we need to break up. We are not suitable for each other. You good man, but you and I different goals in life".

If your spouse offended you and often hurt you, say: “I am no longer going to live with you and endure your bullying. I have no choice but to leave."

An alcoholic husband may not immediately notice your departure. In this case, it is better to leave in English without saying anything.

What to do if you have a child

Discuss your decision to divorce with your husband. Agree with which of you the child will remain, consult with a lawyer. If your spouse is unwilling to compromise, go to court. If the baby stays with you, ex-husband will be required to pay child support.

It will be doubly difficult for the child. Explain to him that even though you and his dad will live separately, he will still remain your beloved son or daughter. Mention that after the breakup, he will be loved just as much as before.

Do not forbid your husband to communicate with your child. Let him take him away on weekends and see his grandparents.

Watch the program about crisis centers in Russia, this is where you can get full help:

Don’t rush to start a new relationship and fall in love with another person immediately after a divorce; first, come to your senses and rest mentally and physically.

Sometimes relationships bring pain and suffering. However, people remain in such relationships. Why does this happen? How to end a relationship that hurts?

As a rule, everything starts out safely and happily, according to mutual love and passion. Then gradually everything changes, and now, not only is there no happiness and joy in the relationship, but it has been causing pain for a long time.

When a woman is unhappy in her family and marriage and wants to leave her husband, there are many real obstacles. The same is true for men, in general, however, we will talk about women.

Sometimes not only married people cannot leave a painful relationship, but even those who are not yet married, do not have children and common property. Moreover, they also create families out of these painful relationships in the hope that things will improve. But no. Things are only getting worse. But often a woman, even realizing the futility of the relationship, does not find the strength to leave her husband.

In this article we will not touch on the difficulties that arise when dividing property and children. Let's not figure out whether the relationship can be improved. Let's take cases when a lot has already been tried and it is clear that the relationship cannot be improved.

Women often explain their inability to leave their husbands with love. “Love” in this construction is a certain factor that “allows” a painful relationship to continue.

“Love is often confused with infatuation or obsession. But these are different feelings, and they must be distinguished from each other. Such an obsessive lover sees in front of him not a real person, but someone who will satisfy his needs.

For example, it will save him from the fear of death or become a means to combat loneliness. »

Irvin Yalom.

In the relationship we will talk about, love is just an illusion, in fact it is not about love, but about how a person makes the choice to be unhappy against his own interests.

In a healthy relationship indoor installation women can be expressed in the following: “I love the one who loves me. I will not love someone who hurts me." All other options refer to psychological difficulties, psychological dependence.

A woman in a painful relationship mistakes the absence of suffering for happiness. And suffering for the “normal” background of your life. She doesn’t believe, doesn’t understand, can’t imagine how it could be otherwise. This is her picture of the world.

Typically, all relationship models are established in childhood. Those people who seek reciprocity and do not remain in destructive relationships have been accustomed since childhood to respectful treatment, love and reciprocity from their parents.

Those people who “choose” sick love are accustomed to being rejected, accustomed to the fact that love is suffering and pain. They repeat scenarios and relationships with parents familiar from childhood.

For example: a girl is trying to attract her dad's attention. And dad is very demanding, earning his love is not easy, perhaps he lives separately and you have to wait a very long time for him, or he drinks, is indifferent, gives preference to another child in the family.

She gets used to not being loved and simply doesn’t know how it could be otherwise. How to feel and believe that a man loves you, how to be loved and feel safe at the same time. And this connection is also fixed in her: pain and love “in one bottle.”

When she meets an adult man (who is similar to her father - a rejecter whose attention must be won, or an aggressive man, prone to violence against loved ones, abusing alcohol, in need of “salvation”), she feels something painfully painful and familiar, and she really wants him to It was he who noticed and fell in love.

If the girl’s mother behaves like the father in this example, is difficult to reach, rejects, cold, critical, then the “value” of the relationship with the father can increase significantly. If at the same time the father maintains contact with the child, then in the future, in general, the girl has a better chance of maintaining the feeling of “I am good”; she has more faith that a man can support and love.

However, if the mother is unavailable and rejecting, “always busy” (with her personal life, her own experiences, career), then most likely the growing girl will wait for the man as a savior, idealizing and making too many bets on the relationship, which initially creates a strong tension in the couple.

If, for example, dad is completely absent from the family, and mom has the same “suffering” character, feeling guilty for the lack of a strong personal life and trying to “earn” love, the daughter can adopt this pattern completely. The result can be loneliness, interspersed with fragile, unstable and very tense relationships (for example, a relationship with a married man).

To generalize, the inexplicable strong attraction and passion in such women is ultimately caused by people with whom they experience the same feelings as in childhood in relationships with their parents (even if these relationships caused a lot of pain). It's just that those who had loving, warm host parents were luckier.

She doesn't have strong self-esteem

Women often have a tendency to associate their internal gender sense of self with the very fact of the presence or absence of a relationship. A woman considers herself a “worthy”, “normal”, “full-fledged” woman only when she is in a relationship. Therefore, she cannot leave her husband, no matter how painful the relationship is, because the loss of a partner is perceived by her as the “death” of her personality.

The woman intensely experiences feelings of guilt, has a strong internal ban on pleasure, depressive, masochistic traits

This is very typical for people from the post-Soviet space. Due to the nature of their upbringing, they always feel guilty.

They definitely “must” experience suffering. At first, everything may look quite well, but then the woman unconsciously builds the relationship in such a way that she necessarily becomes a victim of the circumstances that accompany the relationship.

If the outside world itself does not “provide” circumstances for which one can suffer, a feeling of anxiety appears inside, because a world without suffering is an unknown, unpredictable world, and on an unconscious level it is perceived as uncomfortable due to its unfamiliarity.

The feeling of guilt chronically experienced by a woman seems to push her to find in the outside world a real reason for “punishing” herself, and at the same time for splashing out internal tension.

The partner often becomes a “place” for placing aggression in the outside world and at the same time – the one who “punishes”. Relationships turn into finding out who is right and who is wrong, followed by a series of conflicts. However, conflicts at least slightly relieve internal tension and make the world more predictable, understandable, the same as it was in childhood.

If a woman constantly feels guilty, then she feels the “justice” of the bad attitude towards her, does not experience internal protest, and recognizes the right to offend and humiliate her. Internally it looks like “I am bad, I deserve punishment, he is good.”

A woman assumes full responsibility for what is happening in a couple, for her husband’s feelings and actions, and devalues ​​her own needs and desires, except for one thing - to stay in a relationship, because only the fact of being in it can keep her self-esteem from complete destruction.

Usually in therapy such a woman is found to be guilty of happiness, guilty of pleasure. Therefore, the usual lifestyle is “I suffer, I tell everyone about how I suffer, but I cannot leave my husband.” “I need to constantly atone for my bottomless guilt through suffering.”

Often women cannot leave relationships with alcoholics, married men, sadists, with people who simply do not suit them because they have radically opposite views on relationships and on building relationships.

Relationships can be disastrous, affecting finances, physical health, sexuality, children, and so on. A partner can beat a woman, rape her, humiliate her, insult her, take her money, deprive her of communication, social opportunities, etc. But she says she loves him.

In dysfunctional, painful relationships, people talk about breaking up all the time, but they don't break up; they try to reform their partner, who in turn tries to reform them. It seems that their views on relationships, their values ​​and needs in relationships not only do not match, but are mutually exclusive.

In fact, each of them “gets” exactly what he needs in a relationship, although he does not realize it. A man receives power and the opportunity to feel his unconditional value for a woman, and a woman receives exactly that predictable world of suffering, which for her is strongly associated with love.

And in the second part we will look at how to realize what you need in your relationship, what you “get” from them, make an informed choice, and, if you want, get out of destructive, sick relationships: “ How to leave your husband and learn to build other relationships? Part 2 ».

If you have any questions for a psychologist regarding the article:

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By tying herself with the bonds of Hymen to a charming man, every woman assumes that this step is a guarantee of a cloudless existence until the end of her days. Everyone who gets married firmly believes that they will always be happy together. Some time passes, and one of the spouses, or both, realizes that their marriage is coming apart at the seams. They realize that their family has not passed the test of everyday life. And my hand is tempted to type in the search engine: “I want to leave my husband” and “how to decide to divorce.”
We will not go into detail about why love fades away and the desire to separate arises. In some cases, divorce is needed for those who do not know how to compromise, are not ready to accept the characteristics of the other half and are not able to put up with his habits. Others file for divorce because it’s easier for them to leave than to work on building a fulfilling relationship. For others, the reasons for divorce are fear of responsibility for the future of the family. However, in any case, divorce is a last resort, which is decided upon when all other arguments have been exhausted.

It is worth noting that some women who suffer martyrdom in marriage cannot decide to divorce for a long time. For them, such a choice is similar to going to Calvary. Other people, on the contrary, are ready to leave their husband because of his slightest mistake or, generally, for no apparent reason. And they run with an application for divorce, driven by hurricane winds.
However, in order to avoid making a fatal mistake, all of us need to make sure that divorce is the only correct solution. Even having reached the maximum boiling point, we must cool our ardor and eliminate the seething irritation and anger. Let us remember that rage and dissatisfaction are not the best advisers when we make a fateful decision about divorce that affects our future lives.

The main condition is that after a divorce we do not bite our elbows from an annoying mistake, to be sure that parting with our spouse is not a momentary lust that arose as a demonic obsession. Make sure that the reasons for divorce really exist and that they are quite serious. We should also avoid the unfortunate mistake of some ladies who simply blackmail their spouse by threatening to dissolve the marriage. Almost all men do not perceive such a stupid statement about divorce as a joke, but act ahead of events, running to the registry office first. And young ladies with black humor move into the category of divorcees.
Most sane women decide to divorce for adequate reasons, most often including the following arguments.

Argument 1. Alcoholism, drug addiction or gaming addiction of a partner These arguments for divorce do not need comment at all. Indeed, it is impossible to live together with a person who is gradually degrading to the social bottom. Persons suffering from addictions not only fail to fulfill their marital responsibilities, but also methodically destroy their partner’s personality: both morally and physically. In addition, it is difficult to imagine a chronic alcoholic or drug addict in the image of a caring dad, and is hardly suitable for the role of a parent with great genetics.

Argument 2. Physical violence
In this case, the psychologists’ verdict is clear: the sooner a woman who suffers assault from her husband decides to divorce, the greater her chances of maintaining her health, and often her life. Even if after each episode of beatings, the husband crawls on his knees and swears that this will not happen again - you cannot trust the aggressor. A man who even once raised his hand to a weak lady is unworthy of respect and forgiveness. There can be no excuses for such tyrants: this is the alarm bell for divorce.

Argument 3. Moral bullying
An equally compelling reason for divorce is moral terror in the form of endless insults, rudeness, and humiliation. Some spouses demonstratively finish off their wife by completely ignoring her presence. The result of a woman being under the threat of experiencing her husband’s moral bullying again is neurotic disorders, depression, and thoughts of suicide. It is especially scary when children observe such a picture: this is fraught with the development of complex and dangerous mental anomalies in them.

Argument 4. Regular adultery
A one-time betrayal of a spouse is a knife in the back, but some women sincerely forgive their “lost sheep,” and such events do not happen again. However, there are families where partying on the man’s side becomes not the exception, but the rule. Sometimes it comes to the point that the husband begins to play tricks with his mistress right in front of his legal companion. At the same time, without paying her, as a woman, a single drop of attention. Hoping that the prodigal cat will have some fun and return to the family bed is stupid and dangerous. A woman wastes her moral strength and kills best years on unworthy red tape.

Argument 5. Acquired “disability” of a man
There is such a category of men (fortunately, not numerous) from whom you need to run away as quickly as possible. These are lazy people and dependents who do not want and do not plan to work, but sit on their wives’ necks. They consider it normal for their spouses to work three jobs just to feed and water their household. They spend their wife’s money with a calm soul and do not consider it necessary to make even the slightest effort to provide for their offspring. Helping and caring for a disabled person is an honorable and noble task, but maintaining an able-bodied male is a blatant humiliation of female dignity. Therefore, in such a situation, you shouldn’t even think about whether to file for divorce or not.

Argument 6. Real absence of feelings
Another healthy excuse for choosing divorce is a situation where the partners have really stopped loving each other and are burdened by their marriage. When their feelings have long cooled, and they, by inertia, continue to exist in parallel worlds, but under one roof. When their ended relationship puts an end to spiritual comfort and human happiness. That is, their marriage is not a unity of loving hearts, but a stupid habit based on prejudice: everyone lives like this. Dear ladies, believe me: not everyone lives like this! With such a worldview, people drag out a bitter existence. Only loved ones are able to live loving people, albeit not with ardent youthful passion, but with a proven and reliable feeling.

Argument 7. The partner has become considerably smaller
A real reason to consider whether it’s time to file for divorce is the emergence of a significant distance between once relatively equal partners. When one of the spouses has significantly advanced in the development of his personality, while the other has slowed down in his teenage experiences. When one partner tirelessly learns, improves, masters something new and is mentally ready to conquer heights, while the other crawls comfortably at the foot of Olympus.

Such a gap in different stages of personal development (I emphasize: personal level, not material status) is common cause scandals in the family. And if the lagging partner is not ready to run by leaps and bounds after a person striving to conquer mountains, then it is better, in order not to spoil each other’s nerves, to separate forever and file for divorce. Or separate for a while in order to clearly understand what weighs in the balance: the difference in development levels or the burning passion of love. You can read about how to understand that your partner is too small here.

Of course, no matter what compelling reasons for divorce exist, the initiator of the separation is under serious stress. You should definitely try to minimize negative experiences and gain balance before taking a decisive step. How can you decide to divorce your husband without tormenting yourself with unnecessary questions and without falling into depression? We perform the following steps.

The sounds of the wedding march have faded, impulses and passions have burned out - and in life married couple a lot has changed. There is no feeling of happiness from the fact that a dear and loved one is nearby, the time spent together is not pleasing, and in general, life together is not pleasing. Instead, irritation accumulates in the soul, and from time to time the thought arises: “How to leave my husband?”

This idea is quite common in our time and makes us think about the future of many representatives of the fair sex. If you are one of these girls and women, and you are also periodically worried about thoughts about the future, and in particular, one of the most important: how to decide to leave your husband, then this article is for you. It will give advice and recommendations on how to take this step and make the separation procedure less painful.

So, you are thinking about the question “How to leave your husband?” To begin with, it is worth firmly understanding one thing Golden Rule: Never make such decisions rashly and in a hurry. After all, it’s yours at stake future life. Having made the decision to separate, make sure that it is firm and correct. To do this, you can mark everything positive sides of your life “before and after” by making a “work list”. In the same way, one can note all the positive and negative traits your life partner. Then you need to analyze and evaluate what you have written. If the “negative aspects” still outweigh life together and the desire to leave your husband does not disappear, you should decide to take this step. Let us repeat once again - a deliberate step.

The decision has been made, weighed and analyzed, all that remains is to decide: how to leave my husband? Let us answer in one word: beautiful. Yes, yes, exactly beautiful. should not become Everything can now be done in a civilized manner. To begin with, after making the decision to divorce, you should inform your spouse about it. There is no need for omissions here. When reporting your decision, give the reasons that, in principle, served as the reason for the breakup. However, do not forget about mutual respect. Quarrels, hysterics, mutual insults in this case are not the best helpers. A simple statement of facts in a calm environment, without unnecessary emotions and intrusive little details of everyday life - that’s what you need.

After communicating your decision to your spouse, you should not delay preparations. The sooner you do this, the less hope you will give your companion for a possible resolution of the problem. You should not hide your actions from your spouse: having prepared documents and submitted them to the relevant authorities, immediately inform him about it. If your spouse has a desire to start a conflict, under no circumstances succumb to his provocations. Respect yourself and him. Try to leave with dignity, maintaining at least a little friendly and respectful relationship.

Then take an important and decisive step (if, of course, this is possible) - change your place of residence so as not to escalate the situation until you inform your spouse about all measures taken related to the separation. You shouldn't hide anything from him. This applies primarily to issues of raising children and If difficulties arise, seek advice from specialists: lawyers, notaries, attorneys, etc.

Are you still wondering how to leave your husband? Then one more little advice: If there are children in your family, think about them. They don't need unnecessary injuries. Always remember that your child must have both a mother and a father, even if they do not live together. This means that you must do everything to ensure that the child(ren) maintain respect and love for dear person, wanted to meet him and share his joys and sorrows. Only in this case, your conscience will not torment you and you will not have to stir up the past...