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This has happened to even the most charming and attractive of us. One fine day, the guy you like and who you thought liked you will say that you misunderstood him and nothing can happen between you. Besides friendship.

Of course, to his face you will agree to be friends. But in the depths of your soul, doubt will gnaw at you - can you behave like a friend? It's good if you can forget about this guy once and for all. But if it’s your colleague or you’re just in the same company, the tension that arises between you will interfere with both you and the people around you. We will try to help you overcome the period of alienation and establish communication with this guy.

Give yourself time to calm down and lick the wounds on your pride. Such rejections are hard to bear because they hit your self-esteem very hard. Resentment and wounded pride will determine your reaction to the man who rejected you. So try to limit your contacts for a few weeks.

You should not defiantly ignore him or snap at him. At first, each of your meetings will be like a blow to your solar plexus. Try not to lose control. This man most likely did not want to hurt you. Therefore, do not punish him with harsh treatment. You don’t have to approach him, but if contact is inevitable, smile and say hello. When you feel ready, ask how you are doing. The usual tribute to politeness. Don't force yourself. If he addresses you, answer slowly and with a smile, although you should not put a lot of sympathy into your answer. The feeling of balance will come with time.

Move on with your life. No refusal means that you are not worthy of love, admiration or male attention. There are many other men in the world who would be happy to communicate with you. Find them. Chat with them. It will do wonders for your broken heart. Only when you feel a surge of self-confidence will you be able to calmly respond to a man who once said “no” to you.

Don't build empty hopes. Yes, sometimes amazing things happen: a guy refuses a girl, and then he realizes what a treasure he missed and tries to get her back. We don’t know the exact statistics, but we suspect that every 100 thousand refusals there is one such story. So don't expect your failed boyfriend to suddenly become passionate about you. Don’t call him at night and don’t sigh into the phone, don’t write drunk SMS. Don't try to seduce him or take revenge on him. You are a grown girl. You are above stupid fantasies.

Don't discuss his refusal with him. Time will pass, and your relationship may gradually improve. But if you try to sort things out with him all the time, blame him, this will only increase the awkwardness between you. Every time after such a conversation you will punish yourself for intemperance. Let go of the past and forgive this guy. It will be better for you.

Denial of intimacy and the reasons for such a desire. Rules for getting out of a sticky situation in the most correct way without hurting a man’s pride.

The content of the article:

How to refuse a man is a question that baffles not only young girls, but also ladies experienced in amorous affairs. Not every representative of the fair sex skillfully gets rid of the encroachments of a gentleman or legal spouse if she has no desire to have sex at a certain moment. You should understand this issue, because a woman’s mental balance depends on it.

Why does a woman want to deny intimacy to a man?

Before letting the gentleman understand the futility of his attempts, you should understand the personal motivation for such a decision:

• Fatigue. In this condition, sexual attraction to the desired partner may disappear. A few days are enough for the couple to return to a harmonious relationship. If this does not happen, then the woman should reconsider her work schedule, which can be exhausting and harmful to her health.
• Bad feeling. Not a single person is immune from the disease, so during this period a woman tries to distance herself as much as possible from sexual claims towards her. This is especially true for diseases of the genitourinary system and the condition of PMS, when many representatives of the fair sex become aggressive towards any hints of intimacy.
• Resentment. It occurs most often in established couples, because some women punish their partners in this way for their offense. In most cases, this leads to a break in relationships, because it is not recommended to resolve conflict situations in this way.
• Ignorance of man. Any self-respecting woman will not allow a representative of the opposite sex to approach her if she is not sure of the safety of contact with him. The exception is sudden mutual sympathy (in most cases in adulthood), which quite often leads to the creation of a strong family.
• Physical rejection. A man may initially be unpleasant both externally and internally. At the same time, the rejected admirer often has a rather pleasant appearance, but in this case there is no mutual exchange of fluids.

If in the first four cases it is recommended to familiarize yourself with the rules for refusing sex, then the last situation is a hopeless option. In the absence of attraction to a potential partner at the physiological level, nothing good will come of such attempts.

Rules for refusing intimacy with a man

In this case, everything depends not only on personal motivation, but also on who exactly proposed to enter into an intimate relationship. In each of the situations that experts have differentiated, you should act according to a completely different scenario.

Effectively refusing a boyfriend on the first date

It must be remembered that some men, having beautifully organized a romantic meeting, expect to then end up in bed with the lady they like. If a woman’s plans do not include such an end to the evening, then she should act as follows:

1. Preliminary agreement. A voiced safety net will help avoid misunderstandings and turning the date into a banal farce. If the gentleman reacts with amazement but with restraint to such an assumption addressed to him, you can safely go on a date.
2. Communication on serious topics. The less frivolous conversations, the more chances a woman will have to avoid an indecent proposal after an evening out. If it is received, then it is necessary to discreetly make it clear that such behavior towards her is unacceptable.
3. Discreet wardrobe. It is difficult for men to resist erotic thoughts when they see a lady with a deep neckline and a miniskirt. You should not once again provoke your gentleman with your defiant appearance. A spectacular knee-length dress with a closed collar will show better than any words that the lady is not in the mood for sex on the first date.

A competent refusal to a man at the beginning of a relationship

Some young people and older representatives of the stronger sex are in a hurry to propose sex immediately after a couple has formed. For the female sex, the candy-bouquet period is especially important, when the lady favorably accepts the courtship of the gentleman.

In order not to ruin a nascent relationship, you should know how to politely refuse a man in this case:

• Show the significance of the upcoming action. Easily accessible women can interest the stronger sex only for a short period of time. There is still a possibility that a lady with similar behavior will be left as a backup option in the absence of a permanent partner. In a nascent relationship, you don’t have to pretend to be an impregnable fortress, but it is still recommended to draw a certain line of what is permissible. A man must understand that without respect for his chosen one, she will consider this sex without obligations. Therefore, it is necessary to convey to him information about the significance of an intimate relationship with him.
• Well-chosen phrases. Under no circumstances should you categorically refuse or show your fear if a man wants to have sexual intercourse. In the first case, the gentleman will think that he will never have a chance, and will simply break off the unpromising relationship. In the second situation, he will literally feel like a rapist of a defenseless person and will try to get rid of her. You should speak in a neutral tone, using phrases like “everything will definitely happen, but when I’m ready” or “there’s no need to rush things.”
• Tricky answers to questions. However, a man who is interested in intimacy cannot be fooled so easily. In response to such tricks, he will ask a direct question: why is it too early and for what reason is the woman still not ready? It is easiest for virgins to take such thoughts in a different direction, who can focus on this fact. Experienced ladies will have to cheat and return to the first recommendation - showing the significance of the upcoming intimacy.

If a man continues to insist on intimacy, then it is best to break off the relationship with him. Any woman is not an automaton for satisfying the desires of an egoist.

Proper refusal of sex to a friend

Some close male acquaintances sometimes want not only friendship from a woman, but also sex. It is especially difficult to behave correctly in a situation when such a proposal comes from a significant person in life. In order not to offend him with a refusal and not to lose friendship, psychologists advise behaving as follows:

1. Straight Talk. You should explain to your friend that his thoughts are illogical. They usually say that “you are a wonderful man, but let’s remain friends, not sexual partners.” In this case, he wants something that does not correspond to such a statement. It is necessary to bring a congenial person to the conclusion that initially communication began solely on the coincidence of common interests.
2. Tough measures. The situation is very bad if a friend of the opposite sex has been in love with a woman for a long time. Waiting for the right moment, he never thought about the fact that his old girlfriend simply wouldn’t want him sexually. He has become like a brother to her, and she is unable to overcome herself. You can refuse a childhood friend even in a harsh manner. After some offense, he will still forgive the woman, because the habit of communication will do its job.
3. Ending friendship. The question of how to refuse intimacy to a man in the harshest terms concerns pseudo-friends of the opposite sex. They take the word “no” as a personal insult. Wanting to annoy the offender, they spread dirty rumors about her, not even disdaining to divulge her personal secrets.

Correct refusal of sex to husband

There is a category of ladies who are very surprised when their husband leaves her. Such persons do not see a serious reason for the fact that they systematically denied him intimacy. “After all, we are not animals,” is their favorite answer. As a result, they are left in splendid isolation, and their partner leaves for a wiser and more flexible woman.

To prevent this from happening, you should master the skill of how to beautifully refuse a man:

• Divert attention. An observant wife always knows her husband's preferences. Even if she hates boxing or action movies with all her heart, then it's time to stop being capricious. If a woman feels well, then you can gently hug your loved one and offer to visit a place where he likes to spend time. The main thing is to show as much sincerity as possible, because otherwise the chosen one will feel the catch.
• Postpone sex until tomorrow. If the wife constantly has a headache, then the husband will leave the unfortunate person alone and go to satisfy his needs with a healthy lady. If you feel unwell or are very tired, you need to honestly admit this to your partner. However, you should keep your promise, because next time the offended man will no longer believe the deceiver. By the way, sex therapists say that excellent sex perfectly relieves any headache.
• Cheat a little. If your loved one wants to retire in the bedroom with his partner not late at night, then you can tell him that guests are coming to the family. If it is not possible to urgently come to an agreement with one of the friends and their husbands, then the cancellation of the visit is announced. By that time, the heated spouse will noticeably cool down.

Be careful! It’s one thing to use feminine tricks in relation to strangers, but if you manipulate your husband, everything can end in tears. These tips are only acceptable in emergency situations, when a woman cannot reach her husband and really feels unwell.

Ways to refuse intimacy to an obsessive gentleman

Some particularly persistent people may not accept the word “no” addressed to them for months. In this case, tact will be unnecessary, because in a different situation, a would-be boyfriend is capable of tormenting a woman for years with his claims. The tactics for repelling an attack must be built as follows:

1. Invitation to the registry office. It should be stated that sex is possible only after registering the relationship and getting married in a church. It won’t hurt to diversify your fiery speech by deciding to get acquainted with the family of the person who doesn’t give you a pass. The control shot should be a statement that the bride’s father is eager to meet his future son-in-law. It’s worth unobtrusively ending your monologue with memories of how dad shone in the boxing ring and really doesn’t like irresponsible scoundrels.
2. Confession of bitter experience. It is necessary to tell the Velcro man in bright colors about how unlucky the woman of his dreams was with men. It doesn’t hurt to specify your story by saying that the initiators of the breakup were exclusively former partners. They based their decision on the fact that their lady was frigid and very intrusive after breaking up. After such a story, it is worth complaining about the injustice of fate, and the annoying suitor will disappear from sight forever.
3. Recognition of membership in an informal organization. The more scandalous information around the community voiced to the unlucky suitor, the better. At the same time, one should declare oneself not as an outside observer, but as an active participant in such a movement.
4. Last warning. This is done in two ways. If the annoying boyfriend is married, then you can voice your desire to communicate with his wife. A single harasser should describe the merits of his partner (even if he is a mythical one). If this does not work, then you need to ask someone you know to play a caring boyfriend for a while. It is recommended to select an applicant of impressive size for this role.

If a Velcro man really fell in love with a woman, then he will not be afraid to overcome all the stated obstacles. In this case, psychologists advise taking a closer look at such a candidate. Perhaps it is this kind of devotion that is worth a lot, and not dreams of a handsome prince.

How to refuse a man - watch the video:

When asking how to refuse sex to a man, you should proceed from your personal beliefs. It all depends on the situation and the desire to build relationships with a potential or existing partner. The main thing is not to deceive the expectations of an unwanted suitor and not to lose the favor of the man who came to your heart.

When a man falls in love, he begins to behave completely differently, not as usual, and sometimes even strangely. He strives to show his best qualities in order to please a woman. By the way, read here about femininity through the eyes of a man. Falling in love involves not only sexual passion, but also respect and interest in you as a person.

It would be very good if a man changed internally for the better, of course. This is more preferable and pleasant for ladies. But we will consider the behavior of a man in love, since usually only it changes.

A man becomes shy when he sees you. The most timid ones even blush and become clumsy. Any man is afraid to show his true feelings because of the possibility of rejection, which will be difficult for him to bear. But you will immediately understand that someone likes you because of the very soft and polite way of speaking.

If this happens, then all you need to do is encourage the man. Most likely, he will become less shy and become more talkative with you. He might start asking questions to get to know you better. Answer, communicate and get to know him too.

After a few meetings or dinners, he will know more about you and he will like it, he will definitely start caring for you. A man in love always becomes truly thoughtful and caring. He will worry about you and constantly check to see if everything is okay with you. The man will begin to look for reasons to call and will find them. This is exactly how love works - regardless of consciousness. Through caring, you can easily recognize that a person is in love with you.

He will also try to be useful always and everywhere. He will be attentive to all your problems and will try his best to help you. This is how he lets you know that you can always rely on him. Such support is very important for a woman in connection with the possible birth of children, so nature made sure that the man wanted to help you and showed it to you in every possible way.

If a person is in love with you, he becomes a nice gentleman. Such is the behavior of a man in love that he wants to compliment you, arrange pleasant evenings and dates. That is, he will want to make you happy and joyful in order to show you how dear you are to him. He gets even more pleasure from your happiness.

If you make signs that tell a man about your mutual feelings, then he will become more favorable towards other people, even if you do not see it. This comes from a general state of spirituality and anticipation of happiness.

On a note - how to improve your relationship with your husband and no matter how damaged the relationship is, maybe it’s worth ruining it.

Source:
Behavior of a man in love
When a man falls in love, he begins to behave completely differently, not as usual, and sometimes even strangely. He strives to show his best qualities in order to please a woman. By the way,
http://www.i-goddess.ru/semejnye-otnoshenija/povedenie-vljublennogo-muzhchiny

Man's behavior after refusal

1. A man is in love. You may be beautiful and smart, but all lovers are simply blind to see these virtues in you.
2. The man is in a hurry. Remember, if you are in a hurry somewhere, then any attempt to detain you (even meeting a rare handsome guy) will cause nothing but irritation.
3. A person of unconventional orientation. It’s only in movies that they are shown in such a way that everyone immediately understands what kind of character they are. In real life, it is very difficult to guess whether a person belongs to a sexual minority or not.
4. A person is going through a personal drama. Someone just abandoned him, and now he hates (or simply cannot see) all creatures of the opposite sex.
5. Prejudice. There are still women who are convinced that meeting and flirting on the street is prohibited. Why it’s not possible is unknown, it’s just not possible - that’s all! And some men believe that a woman should not be the first to meet someone. Again, it’s not clear why it shouldn’t. You just shouldn't!

And there may be a million other reasons for refusing to meet someone for flirting that have nothing to do with you personally. Therefore, away from fears and doubts, and forward - towards dating and flirting!

Name: Irishka City, country: Kyiv

Ridiculous! It’s very funny to watch when someone comes to you with a pre-prepared script that they play over and over again. As for business cards: the first thing that would come to my mind is that a person has ordered about a hundred of them and is handing them out left and right in the hope of “maybe it will break off?” Looks like the last cry for help in the fight against sperm toxicosis :)

Trudy Griffin is a licensed psychotherapist in Wisconsin. She received her master's degree in clinical psychotherapy from Marquette University in 2011.

Number of sources used in this article: . You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Rejections are a part of our life. At some point, each of us faces rejection, and it doesn’t matter what goal the person was trying to achieve. This is why it is so important to learn how to respond to rejection in the most productive way, without compromising your own well-being. Learn to cope with the consequences of rejection, take care of yourself and see the positive in the future.

Steps

Part 1

What to do after refusal

Don't escalate the situation. Many people do not know how to react normally to rejection and tend to take it personally. This can lead to catastrophic thinking. For example: “I was rejected for this job, which means I will never find a job.” Drive away such thoughts from yourself if they come to mind immediately after refusal.

Failure is an opportunity for growth. It's all about perspective. Your personal reaction always determines what the experience will be for you. Look at rejection as an opportunity to learn and grow, rather than as a failure. When you calm down, think about what caused the refusal. Did you prepare well enough for that interview? Are you sure you spent enough time on your novel before submitting it to the publisher? Your actions are not always the reason for the refusal received, but they allow you to see possible shortcomings.

Usually rejection doesn't reflect who you are. In the vast majority of cases, refusal is not related to your shortcomings. Many experienced, talented and attractive people have been rejected for reasons that have nothing to do with their personal qualities. Sometimes a person likes a different type of appearance or internal problems prevent him from starting a relationship. In some cases, your story or poem simply isn't suitable for a particular publication. Sometimes there are too many candidates applying for one position. The rejection is almost certainly not a direct reflection of your talents or strengths.

Pursue multiple goals at once. One of the best ways to learn to accept rejection is to pursue multiple goals at once. Submit your story to several magazines unless the terms and conditions prohibit it. If it's prohibited, try sending out a few stories. Apply to different companies. If you are looking for a partner, go on dates with different people. By having multiple things to do, you won't worry so much about one rejection. This also increases the likelihood of success.

Question for a psychologist:

Hello! Please help me resolve the situation. A year has already passed, and I don’t know what to do and I can’t find the answer for myself. A year ago, I developed a close relationship with a work colleague. Close ones are not in terms of physical closeness, but spiritual closeness. I’ll say right away that there was nothing between us, not even kisses, because at that time I was not ready for a relationship with him, and I also didn’t want to behave dishonestly. At the same time, I really enjoyed communicating with him, and apparently he did too, since we communicated very often both in person and on the Internet, and the conversations were sincere.

And then everything turned out the way it usually turns out according to a classic plot, when one wants more and ruins everything. In general, he began to hint at more, I refused, but wanted to maintain a good relationship. Quarrels began, some incomprehensible grievances, clarification of relations, and in the end I was told that friendship between us was impossible and they simply sent me away (in direct text), which was unexpected and very painful for me, since before that he had never used swear words to my address. Of course, I was very upset. I didn't sleep all night. But we still work together, so the next day I decided to come up and, as they say, make amends for the situation, since it’s impossible to work together otherwise. And it seemed like we even had a good conversation then. But after that, I was again somehow twitched in the sense that I constantly remember how he rudely sent me away, and it hurts me very much. As a result, I myself minimized our communication, since in the first couple of days this obscenity was constantly standing in front of me, as a barrier to further communication in the “as before” style. Now we communicate very formally, we only say hello and to the point if things arise. But the worst thing is that over the course of a whole year (almost immediately after the quarrel) he sharply changed his attitude - in the sense that he demonstratively began to behave and treat me like garbage. I’m not asking you to have a heart-to-heart talk with me, but it’s elementary: he won’t open the door for you (although he used to do this), he won’t offer to help you when you’re carrying something heavy in the workroom (although he used to help, and men in general, with in which no relationship at all (just a casual acquaintance) will help, but now he will never). He just walks by and doesn’t even look in your direction. Is refusal immediately perceived as the complete destruction of all human relationships in general? If he was offended, then he was the first to essentially send me and say that we would not be friends! And recently a completely terrible scene happened. He met me far from work late at night in a rainstorm, I was all wet, and he was in the car. So it’s not like letting me down (I don’t even expect that anymore), but I didn’t even say hello. Although we couldn’t help but see each other, since there was no one else there except us, and the distance between us was 3-4 meters. How hard...

But the worst thing about this is that, apparently, I myself have neither pride, nor self-esteem, nor self-respect. Since a whole year has passed, I have realized a lot, I constantly remember how good it was for us, and I really miss him and our relationship. At the same time, sometimes, when I remember rudeness on his part, I get a little turned on, but I’m ready to turn a blind eye to it... In general, of course, on the one hand, I really admire girls who have pride and respect for themselves, I would really like this too. But, as the test showed, I don’t have this. And who did I do better? I probably should have suffered and gotten over myself a year ago. And now nothing can be fixed...

The only thing I would probably like to know from respected psychologists is, please explain to me male behavior in this and similar situations, otherwise I really don’t understand. Really, if you really had feelings for a person, then from one quarrel, you already begin to behave with him not just like a stranger, but like some kind of garbage. What is changing for them? Why do they behave this way? Perhaps this will help me somehow build relationships with people in the future. Thank you!

Psychologist Valentina Vasilievna Danilchuk answers the question.

Good afternoon, Marina!

I will try to explain to you the reasons for this behavior of a man, in this case - complete disregard towards you.

Initially, a friendly, trusting relationship developed between you both. Let’s not digress into the topic that there is no such thing as friendship between a man and a woman. For some it happens, for others it doesn’t.

You wrote correctly: “And then everything turned out the way it usually turns out according to a classic plot, when one wants more...”

The guy hinted at you about a relationship that was more than just friendly. You refused.

And from that moment he began to build his line of behavior towards you.

By refusing a young man, you hurt not just his human dignity, but his male ego. For men, refusing a woman is perceived as a blow below the belt. But man is different from man. One begins to further pursue her, guided by the principle “how dare they throw me off,” then, having achieved this woman, he himself abandons her in revenge.

Another man simply “ignores”. Apparently, Marina, your colleague belongs to this category of men.

Why ignore?

How are things going with your colleague’s self-esteem in general? If a man has slightly low self-esteem, he begins to think that he is unworthy of you. Accordingly, he does everything possible to distance himself from you by any means. This explains his behavior: open the door for yourself, carry heavy things, get wet in the rain, etc.

Now let’s consider the option when a man has adequate self-esteem.

Ignoring in this case is your punishment for refusal. Don’t forget, Marina, that men also understand female psychology. They know very well that the less attention you begin to pay to a particular woman, the faster she will come running to him, and in the end, fall in love and suffer.

By ignoring the girl for whom he had feelings (perhaps he still has them - I don’t know), in this way he lowers your self-confidence, your self-esteem.

Such male behavior is most likely not just an insult, but a conscious move on his part. He knows that your self-esteem has now suffered. Moreover, you work together. You see yourself from the outside differently from those around you, so by your behavior, you may well be showing him how bad you feel, how sorry you are...

Men experience failed relationships more easily in the sense that they (men) are more self-sufficient and less dependent on relationships. A woman, on the contrary, cannot be alone for a long time.

That is, in other words, I ran after you, now you run after me.

Marina, what’s going on in your colleague’s soul, i.e. What feelings he has for you today - only he knows.

But by turning on ignore, he simply punishes you.

And it looks like he's succeeding.

You write: “But the worst thing about this is that, apparently, I myself have neither pride, nor self-esteem, nor self-respect. Since a whole year has passed, I have realized a lot, I constantly remember how we it was good, and I really miss him and our relationship. At the same time, sometimes, when I remember rudeness on his part, I get a little turned on, but I’m ready to turn a blind eye to it... In general, of course, on the one hand, I I really admire girls who have pride and self-respect, I would also really like this. But, as the test showed, I don’t have it. And who did I do better? I probably should have suffered right away a year ago and got over myself. And now nothing can be fixed..."

As you can see, when he confessed his feelings to you, you didn’t need him. Now, Marina, when he doesn’t need you, you realize that you feel bad without this person.

But don't get emotional. Think with a cool head.

They ignore you - your self-esteem has dropped. Not only that, but the person who cared ignores him! Self-esteem dropped even more.

Now sit down and think. Your, Marina, “falling in love” with him is not really falling in love. It’s just that the female ego suffered morally (“He liked me, but now he doesn’t. How can this be?! It can’t be!”). Now you don’t sleep at night, you are drawn to him because you need to calm your feminine ego. And, alas, in this case there is nothing in common with falling in love.

Imagine the situation that you got together and your relationship is developing. And now the most important thing - does this person correspond to your ideal?

Do you know why not?

It is you, Marina, who know why not. Because if he met your requests for that one and only, then a year ago, when he confessed his feelings to you and offered more, you would not have refused. Why did you refuse? Remember! You know!

That's why this is not your person.

Marina, calm yourself down and don’t give in to emotions.

And when you really meet “one of your own”, you will understand it immediately!

Good luck!

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